Rocky, the Rock
Rocky the Rock was created by Diego Palacios, it can be read on Tapas
Welcome back to the blog! It's been a while, but I'm ready to come out of hibernation. I will say though, the previously teased blog will be pushed back for a while. It has a lot of moving parts and I'd rather not rush the process.
To make up for that, you're getting a blog about a rock today. Like, an actual rock. I don't know how I've made blogs on three different characters named Rocky, but this really is the Rockiest of them all.
It must feel so disappointing to wait so many months, only for me to create a blog on an inanimate stone… you aren't prepared for what you're about to read.
Background
"This is the legend of a hero capable of doing the impossible… He isn’t afraid of anything… he’s unstoppable in combat… his speed can’t be perceived by the human eye… and his wisdom transcends words… He is the chosen one and our savior… the mighty Rocky the Rock!"
As foretold in an ancient prophecy, a hero would one day fall from the sky to save the world from the evil Lord Deus and his underlings. Today is when the hero of legend would make their grand entrance to the world.
The answer would be found at the Temple of Shan-pu, a school where all fighters with great potential are trained in combat by its ninja master. As the Shan-Pu Master pondered who could possibly be the chosen one among his disciples, a giant rock flew through the roof of the temple.
Screw all his students, the rock is the chosen one.
Rocky the Rock may appear to be a completely average space rock… and he is. He really is just an inanimate immobile rock, BUT YOU'RE STILL WRONG. Underneath his stony exterior is a deeply tragic past. Long ago he lived with his family in another galaxy, until the papers attacked. They destroyed his planet and everyone he loved, but he survived and barreled through space until he wound up on Earth.
Everyone treats Rocky like he’s a noble hero, painting him as a mysterious, wise, kind soul whose silence demonstrates humbleness and sage-like tranquility. He's unflappable, indestructible, and wants nothing in exchange for helping others.
The only person who sees Rocky for what he really is is Kimura, a pyrokinetic and eager wannabe hero who trained hard to be the hero… only to be upstaged by a rock. At least he's still part of the prophecy as Rocky's foretold sidekick/rival.
And so Shan-Pu Master makes Kimura accompany Rocky on a perilous journey to the underwater oracle to learn how exactly to save the world. They're ambushed by all sorts of foes… and somehow Rocky beats them all singlehandedly. All attacks against his boulder body are repelled; he's way better at wiping out enemies than the trained martial artist traveling with him.
On their quest they're joined by a girl named Jenny after Rocky saves her. She fawns over him the whole way through, and is somehow able to communicate with him. She and everyone except Kimura seem to "understand" Rocky by listening with their heart, but deep down nobody really gets him. He’s just too complex……
They faced many perilous obstacles on the way, but thanks to Rocky the trio made it to the oracle of water and learn the details of how to beat Lord Deus. Basically, the big bad is trying to channel the powers of an ancient evil demon that was sealed away in a devious puzzle that looks like a Rubik's Cube. To stop him they must collect 6 relics known as the parallelepipeds of the dragon. Gathering all six together will summon an ancient djinn dragon to grant them a wish.
Lord Deus is more than aware of the three heroes' efforts to stop him, and he isn't about to underestimate a fucking rock. The papers are fated to invade and destroy this world too, so Lord Deus is trying to prevent that by stopping the heroes' quest. If world relies too much on chosen one, they’ll be powerless to stop the papers, so he's challenging the world to prepare them.
He has several plans in motion like corrupting the jealous Kimura’s heart to turn him against his friends. Not only does he have plenty of powerful minions, but right before the webcomic stopped updating his forces were about to recruit another survivor of his planet's destruction… Rocky's girlfriend Roxie.
Who knows how this crazy adventure will wrap up if the author ever returns to this series. Still, you can't deny there's no other hero that rocks quite like Rocky!
Experience and Skill
Rocky is the pinnacle of martial arts and heroism, unmatched in close combat. Everyone besides stupid dumb idiots like Kimura hail Rocky as a fountain of wisdom. That makes sense considering Rocky is 2,000 years old (though that’s like 20 in human years).
Ever since he landed on Earth, he's been a force to be reckoned with. Despite being a literal immobile rock, he rocked every sorry fool that crossed his path—goblins, trained martial artists and spellcasters, giant monsters, not even ghosts are able to beat him. His best moments are thanks to environmental coincidences that put him in outstanding positions, that or his foes underestimating him.
Rocky is the pinnacle of martial arts and heroism, unmatched in close combat. Everyone besides stupid dumb idiots like Kimura hail Rocky as a fountain of wisdom. That makes sense considering Rocky is 2,000 years old (though that’s like 20 in human years).
Ever since he landed on Earth, he's been a force to be reckoned with. Despite being a literal immobile rock, he rocked every sorry fool that crossed his path—goblins, trained martial artists and spellcasters, giant monsters, not even ghosts are able to beat him. His best moments are thanks to environmental coincidences that put him in outstanding positions, that or his foes underestimating him.
Equipment
Headband
It's the very same headband that belonged to the founder of the Temple of Shan-Pu. Thanks to the wind, his headband swishing against people is often mistaken for hugs. It can also cause people to trip.
It's the very same headband that belonged to the founder of the Temple of Shan-Pu. Thanks to the wind, his headband swishing against people is often mistaken for hugs. It can also cause people to trip.
Diving Suit
I'm pretty sure he doesn't need it.
I'm pretty sure he doesn't need it.
Salt
Rocky was splashed by saltwater while on a ship. As is known in this world, salt is a tool used to expel ghosts. Thus, any ghost approaching him will be exorcised. Yes, the literal rock has hax, be afraid.
Rocky was splashed by saltwater while on a ship. As is known in this world, salt is a tool used to expel ghosts. Thus, any ghost approaching him will be exorcised. Yes, the literal rock has hax, be afraid.
Abilities
High Durability
Rocky is no ordinary rock, as he's made of an extremely hard material from another planet. He was able to endure falling from space. With a body as tough as his, he's completely unfazed by all attacks.
Rocky is no ordinary rock, as he's made of an extremely hard material from another planet. He was able to endure falling from space. With a body as tough as his, he's completely unfazed by all attacks.
Reflective Surface
Similarly all projectiles just bounce off of him.
Similarly all projectiles just bounce off of him.
Self-Sustenance (Types 1, 2, and 3)
Bro is a rock, he doesn't need to breathe in space. Actually, he doesn't require anything to live, doesn't he? People have interpreted him resting before, but let's be real, he's a rock.
Bro is a rock, he doesn't need to breathe in space. Actually, he doesn't require anything to live, doesn't he? People have interpreted him resting before, but let's be real, he's a rock.
Pressure Points
This rock can target pressure points, what the actual fuck.
This rock can target pressure points, what the actual fuck.
Resistances
- Fire resistance: As is the case in real life, most rocks resist burning
- Corrosion resistance: As an inorganic being he resists the sea dragon’s acid breath that melts organic matter
- Soul manipulation resistance: Roxie was immune to Lord Deus’ flames of heck, which burns the soul of anyone based on the weight of their sins. Roxie is completely virtuous…… and a rock, so it doesn’t work. Since Roxie is the same as Rocky, this applies to him.
- Fire resistance: As is the case in real life, most rocks resist burning
- Corrosion resistance: As an inorganic being he resists the sea dragon’s acid breath that melts organic matter
- Soul manipulation resistance: Roxie was immune to Lord Deus’ flames of heck, which burns the soul of anyone based on the weight of their sins. Roxie is completely virtuous…… and a rock, so it doesn’t work. Since Roxie is the same as Rocky, this applies to him.
Techniques
The Technique of Absolute Stillness
Rocky is a master of the advanced fighting art of stillness. He never moves an inch or fights back, and yet nothing can hurt or even flinch him. In this one move, he has flawlessly perfected counterattacks.
Jenny tried to replicate this technique in combat and only managed to get captured by Medusa. She just had to learn the hard way that standing still and doing nothing to defend yourself is a technique combat masters like Rocky are only capable of performing exceptionally.
Rocky is a master of the advanced fighting art of stillness. He never moves an inch or fights back, and yet nothing can hurt or even flinch him. In this one move, he has flawlessly perfected counterattacks.
Jenny tried to replicate this technique in combat and only managed to get captured by Medusa. She just had to learn the hard way that standing still and doing nothing to defend yourself is a technique combat masters like Rocky are only capable of performing exceptionally.
Tripping
A technique simply too incomprehensible for the human mind to process. If you approach him at this reckless of a speed, you've already lost the battle.
A technique simply too incomprehensible for the human mind to process. If you approach him at this reckless of a speed, you've already lost the battle.
Meteor Strike
What goes up must come back down. Whenever Rocky is thrown high into the air, his stone body plummets towards the ground. His heavy mass accelerates his motion and his body catches on fire. Anyone unfortunate enough to find themselves under him is surely to be K.O.’d.
What goes up must come back down. Whenever Rocky is thrown high into the air, his stone body plummets towards the ground. His heavy mass accelerates his motion and his body catches on fire. Anyone unfortunate enough to find themselves under him is surely to be K.O.’d.
Armageddon Smash
You have no idea how glad I am to have looked through the Q&A account, otherwise I wouldn’t have discovered this glorious crossover fight between Rocky and Raylie Rage from Me and Myselfs. Me and Myselfs is a super brief webcomic that hardly lasted as long as Rocky the Rock, so I'm perfectly fine with this crossover being included for research.
To explain what's happening here, Rocky tempers through Raylie’s furious fire attacks with the stability of inner peace…… and rams her through three whole planets.
You have no idea how glad I am to have looked through the Q&A account, otherwise I wouldn’t have discovered this glorious crossover fight between Rocky and Raylie Rage from Me and Myselfs. Me and Myselfs is a super brief webcomic that hardly lasted as long as Rocky the Rock, so I'm perfectly fine with this crossover being included for research.
To explain what's happening here, Rocky tempers through Raylie’s furious fire attacks with the stability of inner peace…… and rams her through three whole planets.
Feats
Overall
- No-sold bodybuilder goblins
- Braved through the Forest of Other Dangers
- Stopped an evil whale from eating his friends
- Banished a few vengeful ghosts of Captain Garrick’s crew and helped the remaining few peacefully pass on
- Beat the menacing sea dragon
- Knows CPR
Strength
- Crashed through a roof from space
- He reflected an energy projectile into a tree, causing it to fall
- Medusa’s minion bounced off of him, causing a domino effect as every other minion behind him fell one by one
- Tripped Medusa’s giant amalgam minion, causing it to explode
- Beat a sea monster that dwarfed a pirate ship
- Breaks through wood
- In the crossover with Raylie Rage, Rocky rammed Raylie through three planets and cracked the fourth they landed on
Speed
- He's so fast, his speed can't be perceived by the human eye………
- Rocky was blown off his planet after it exploded. His body traveled across space until he wound up in Earth’s galaxy and crashed onto the planet
Durability
- Withstood the Abdominable Strike attack. He's so tough that this buff goblin cracked his abs against his rocky body.
- Survived his home planet blowing up
- A whale broke their teeth trying to bite into him
- Reflected a burning cannonball
- The shadow replica disguised as Roxie tried to attack Rocky, but her stone weaponry broke against his body
- In the crossover, Rocky withstood a fireball that dwarfed the planet. The attack landing caused an enormous explosion that bounced him off planets and satellites.
Scaling
- Kimura's Great Ancient Fireball looks to be a little taller than mountaintops
- The Shang-Pu Master can make afterimages as he moves
- Jenny busted up Medusa's face after falling and taking her with her, turning her face into a Picasso painting
- A bodybuilder goblin dodges his own reflected energy projectile
- The sea dragon reacted to a cannonball
- Rylie Rage can fight at a planetary scale
- In the last page right before the series suddenly stopped updating, it was heavily implied that Roxie was about to withstand a meteor hurling towards her. Doesn't count since it didn't happen, but I'm too salty not to mention it. FML……
Weaknesses
- Can’t actually move on his own
- Can’t talk
- Is literally just a rock
Matchup Potential
Rocky the Rock vs Planty the Potted Plant (Rocky the Rock vs Phineas and Ferb)
(thumbnail by Vibe Check)
Vibe Check
A character like Rocky is ripe for joke matchups. I did consider Rocky, Patrick's pet rock from Spongebob, but I decided to go with a character that doesn't just appear in one episode. What you see is what you get with this: literally just a plant and a rock that are somehow accomplished heroes. The dynamic would center around environmental interference causing these two to clash so hard that it culminates in planet-level destruction.
HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S!!!!!!
NEXT TIME ON WCAB… whenever I feel like it
