Fern Green, the Grey Zoner of Exam Room V
Awful Hospital was created by Bogleech, it can be read on Bogleech.com
Welcome back to the blog! We've got another heavy hitter, gang. Am I crazy doing a blog on Awful Hospital? Yeah, but I did just finish reading it and I needed to write about it before I forget too much. This webcomic is insanely perplexing as is, and I need all the brain power I need to unravel it. Special thanks to NuclearPixels for helping me wrap my brain around the complexities of this webcomic and providing extra research materials. Same goes for the Noisy Tenant fan server for clarifying some inquiries I had. Since Awful Hospital is part of the extended Noisy Tenant verse, I'll also be going over some sources beyond the webcomic. Lastly, major spoiler warning for this one.
Didn't think I'd be doing another credits list so soon, but here we are
Researched materials:
Awful Hospital, The Zone-Hopper's Guide, BORFLADGE (specifically these entries), Bog-Leech's Halloween posts, and Bog-Leech's Tumblr
Other sources:
https://seriouslytheworst.fandom.com/wiki/Awful_Hospital
https://vsbattles.fandom.com/wiki/Fern_Green
https://www.reddit.com/r/respectthreads/comments/k4jjr9/respect_fern_awful_hospital/
Background
"You're right. I don't know. I don't know if I can do anything for my son, I don't know if I can survive long enough to ever see him again, I don't even know what's real and unreal anymore or how any part of the universe makes any sense and every one of those things terrify me so much that it really would be easier to keel over and give up here and now... but even if there's no hope, no chance whatsoever that I can make a difference...I have to see that through. As long as I'm alive to keep trying, I have to... and I have to believe that it's better than nothing."
When you get sick and don't know how to deal with it, it's reasonable to see a doctor and find out how to get your health back on track. But what if you were so unbelievably ill that nothing you or doctors could improve your health in the slightest? That's what happened to the newborn son of Fern Green.
Fern is a concerned mother who's doing everything she can to cure her son Vernon of a mysterious blight that only seems to keep worsening. His condition is so dire that he looks borderline mutant, and yet every doctor she has visited doesn't treat him as seriously as they should. They run a few simple tests, recommend vitamins, and send Fern and her baby on their way. Something isn't just wrong with Vernon, but seemingly everyone around her. At this point, she's willing to do anything to find a cure to whatever her son is afflicted with, no matter how shady.
That's when Fern woke up in a grossly dingy hospital. She has no recollection of how she got there, for some ungodly reason her body is glowing a sickly green, and worst of all, Vernon is missing.
This isn't just any ordinary hospital Fern wound up in, but The Hospital. Ran by the eccentric Dr. H.M. Phage, the Hospital isn't native to the universe we know. It's a structure meant to treat patients across all dimensions and perceptions of reality. Due to the esoteric nature of this facility, the Hospital is mostly populated by the most bizarre creatures imaginable. There you may find beings like a giant living runny nose, a talkative open wound, and a puke-filled addicted to gas pills all waiting to be treated. The doctors working at the Hospital are just as bizarre and are hardly familiar with human concepts. The Hospital is extremely dangerous for humans, especially considering that unlike most patients here. Since humans hail from what's called the "grey zone," they're only able to perceive a fraction of what exists in the Hospital and death is permanent to them without Hospital intervention.
Any average human would be driven mad being trapped in here. With no logical exit in sight and dangers and malpractice lurking in every corner, most humans waking up here wind up dead, or worse. What sets Fern apart is that she has a clear goal in mind: to find her baby. As weird, demented, and above all else confusing as the Hospital is, Fern steps up to the occasion. She tries making sense of everything around her, doesn't entertain the shenanigans of the strange characters she comes across, and if anything dares threaten her son she doesn't hold back.
In order to understand what in the fresh hell is going on and where to find her baby, she has to explore the Hospital, talk to the quirky patients, and avoid getting caught by the doctors and nurses. Thankfully she isn't in this alone, as she's joined by… YOU. And ME. And everyone reading Awful Hospital. Yes, the audience plays a major role in guiding Fern through the Hospital. In-verse we're known as buzzers. While buzzers aren't exclusive to Fern, they've been able to get her through some really tough situations.
Despite that, Fern is still her own person capable of making decisions on her own. Sure, some choices have gotten her killed… a lot… but the Hospital is able to piece her back together lickety-split.
As bizarre and terrifying as this whole ordeal is, Fern is slowly conditioned to accept the horrors. She even manages to make some actual allies who help her on her journey. Most notably is Willis, a blood vessel lad who's the son of the surgeon operating on Fern's baby. Through their interactions, Fern's motherly side is best displayed. Even if he's a bloodsucking bunch of arteries, she treats him with utmost care and concern for his safety.
During her abnormal quest, Fern comes to learn more about the Hospital and the concepts it and its patients abide by, she comes to understand that something is TRULY wrong with the Hospital. Beyond just the obvious, patients note that the Hospital wasn't always this way. It was crazy before, but it appears as if the Hospital and everything inside it has slowly been deteriorating at the conceptual level. Not only is the Hospital worsening in quality and the doctors acting more erratically and dismissive, but rooms and staff alike are swallowed up by these wooden plank hallways that continue to eat up more of the Hospital's space and absorb other universes.
Eventually she starts to gain insight into what's going on with her son and the Hospital… and boy is it ghastly. Vernon's blight can be attributed to an ominous group known as the Parliament. The Parliament of the Old Flesh is an organization older than existence itself. It's made up of the crumbs of a primordial entity that decomposed into every being, concept, and thing to ever exist. While the Old Flesh was no more, the crumbs remembered, and have banded together for their shared hatred of everything. Now they seek to assimilate everything across the multiverse, using Fern's son as a vessel to spread this infection.
Now Vernon is stuck in the Maternity Ward as the Hospital does its best to cure him or destroy him, whatever comes first; all the while they're totally unaware of the Parliament's meddling. So if that's why Fern's son is here, what the hell is she doing here? Fern's green coloration suggests she may have inherited something akin to Vernon's infection, but ultimately this whole quest of hers has been orchestrated by greater forces beyond comprehension. She's even backed up by the living embodiment of medicine.
Having learned how her son's condition is intrinsically tied to the state of the Hospital, Fern can't just stand there and let the Parliament screw with the multiverse. Not only will she save her son, but the Hospital and all its freakish inhabitants. Fern makes strides in finding her journey, currently under the guise of a temp worker in the Maternity Ward as she tries to find a way to access where he's held. If she thought the Hospital was in a terrible state, the Maternity Ward is on a whole other level. She faces killer dolphins, deals with a veterinary wing that shouldn't be there, and grapples with the fact that Earth has completely transformed into an abstract horror of its former self. Despite the extreme tribulations and mind-breaking revelations, Fern clings onto her objective and sanity to the bitter end.
Experience and Skill
Fern was just an average woman before she was entangled in this mess. She has no obvious skills to go off of, but her quick acclimation to the Hospital's chicanery helps her push through the madness no matter how many times she dies. Whereas other humans like her have completely lost their marbles trying to navigate the Hospital, Fern has been able to keep her head on her shoulders thanks to her goal of finding Vernon. Not only that, but she managed to do a lot of good in the Hospital. She spruced up the computer system, returned the Hospital therapist Magdolene back to her normal self, and helped stop a conflict within her corpse.
While she wouldn't have been able to get as far as she did without the help her allies and buzzers' input, that alone is an achievement for a simple human. A mere grey zoner like her has been able to hold her own against doctors and dolphins far exceeding her power level. That sounds silly out of context, but trust me when I say it's nothing to scoff at.
Fern was just an average woman before she was entangled in this mess. She has no obvious skills to go off of, but her quick acclimation to the Hospital's chicanery helps her push through the madness no matter how many times she dies. Whereas other humans like her have completely lost their marbles trying to navigate the Hospital, Fern has been able to keep her head on her shoulders thanks to her goal of finding Vernon. Not only that, but she managed to do a lot of good in the Hospital. She spruced up the computer system, returned the Hospital therapist Magdolene back to her normal self, and helped stop a conflict within her corpse.
While she wouldn't have been able to get as far as she did without the help her allies and buzzers' input, that alone is an achievement for a simple human. A mere grey zoner like her has been able to hold her own against doctors and dolphins far exceeding her power level. That sounds silly out of context, but trust me when I say it's nothing to scoff at.
Current Equipment
Foodmeal Collecting Tote
Throughout Fern's journey, she relied on storing anything she collects in a "hammerspace brand disappearing/reappearing compartmentalized collector's tote bag," which has up to 10 spaces for items. If Fern attempts to stuff multiple items in a single compartment, it risks spatial prolapse, vector leakage, or cone intrusion within known perception layers. The foodmeal collecting tote stores twice as many items. Since then she's been using this one, so I'll cover it here.
As the name suggests it has hammerspace qualities, infinite on the inside. The bag is able to disappear and reappear whenever she sees fit due to the bag's multizonal nature. I guess I ought to explain this jargon right now since it's gonna be appearing a lot throughout the blog.
Zones are Awful Hospital's equivalent to universes. To be multizonal means the bag is likely either linked to, or exists in multiple zones. However, it's not in every zone, as she wasn't able to access it when in the zone in her own corpse. It should also be noted when she found another corpse of hers possessing the bag, she was able to feel its presence and grab it while in its disappeared state.
Throughout Fern's journey, she relied on storing anything she collects in a "hammerspace brand disappearing/reappearing compartmentalized collector's tote bag," which has up to 10 spaces for items. If Fern attempts to stuff multiple items in a single compartment, it risks spatial prolapse, vector leakage, or cone intrusion within known perception layers. The foodmeal collecting tote stores twice as many items. Since then she's been using this one, so I'll cover it here.
As the name suggests it has hammerspace qualities, infinite on the inside. The bag is able to disappear and reappear whenever she sees fit due to the bag's multizonal nature. I guess I ought to explain this jargon right now since it's gonna be appearing a lot throughout the blog.
Zones are Awful Hospital's equivalent to universes. To be multizonal means the bag is likely either linked to, or exists in multiple zones. However, it's not in every zone, as she wasn't able to access it when in the zone in her own corpse. It should also be noted when she found another corpse of hers possessing the bag, she was able to feel its presence and grab it while in its disappeared state.
Kidney Blade
At the start of her journey, Fern's only means to defend herself was a shard she found. After fatally railing it into the first big enemy she fought, the Kidney Stone Mother, it became overgrown with its mineral waste. This made her weapon sharper and deadlier, and has become her main offensive tool ever since.
While I am going to go deeper into this concept in a later segment, the Kidney Stone Mother's conceptual core, the concept that encompasses her (effectively a conceptual soul), seems to still live on within this crystallized shard and feeds off of whatever Fern kills. Although dormant, the Kidney Stone Mother is content with this arrangement, having empathized with her right before her demise.
It should also be noted that the kidney blade receives an upgrade called Homing Vibration. Awful Hospital's combat system is very DnD-like and relies on rolls for actions. With Homing Vibration, Fern skips the strike roll entirely, always rolling for damage automatically.
At the start of her journey, Fern's only means to defend herself was a shard she found. After fatally railing it into the first big enemy she fought, the Kidney Stone Mother, it became overgrown with its mineral waste. This made her weapon sharper and deadlier, and has become her main offensive tool ever since.
While I am going to go deeper into this concept in a later segment, the Kidney Stone Mother's conceptual core, the concept that encompasses her (effectively a conceptual soul), seems to still live on within this crystallized shard and feeds off of whatever Fern kills. Although dormant, the Kidney Stone Mother is content with this arrangement, having empathized with her right before her demise.
It should also be noted that the kidney blade receives an upgrade called Homing Vibration. Awful Hospital's combat system is very DnD-like and relies on rolls for actions. With Homing Vibration, Fern skips the strike roll entirely, always rolling for damage automatically.
Danger Apple
You know what they say: an apple a day keeps the doctor away. We don't know exactly what this does, but it's supposedly incredibly dangerous to Hospital staff. Seeing as Fern is currently trying to restore doctors to their former selves, it's in her best interest to save this as a last resort.
You know what they say: an apple a day keeps the doctor away. We don't know exactly what this does, but it's supposedly incredibly dangerous to Hospital staff. Seeing as Fern is currently trying to restore doctors to their former selves, it's in her best interest to save this as a last resort.
Health Potions
They're bottles of green stuff that helps Fern recover health. They rarely come with unwanted side effects like putting Fern to sleep. It's later revealed that these potions are an example of what "pure health concept" looks like.
They're bottles of green stuff that helps Fern recover health. They rarely come with unwanted side effects like putting Fern to sleep. It's later revealed that these potions are an example of what "pure health concept" looks like.
Portable Blacklight
Turning this on lets her see and hear invisible phantom stains. They can’t touch her while the light is off either. She can shine the blacklight, and the ghostly stains the light falls on can attack her opponent.
Turning this on lets her see and hear invisible phantom stains. They can’t touch her while the light is off either. She can shine the blacklight, and the ghostly stains the light falls on can attack her opponent.
In Order Note
This is functionally the reverse of an item Fern used to have in her inventory. Whenever she places this note on a Hospital door to a room that has been consumed by the plank maze, it restores the room back into its last known state.
This is functionally the reverse of an item Fern used to have in her inventory. Whenever she places this note on a Hospital door to a room that has been consumed by the plank maze, it restores the room back into its last known state.
Cat Hairball
If Fern needs a quick exit, she can sometimes rely on her talkative pal Lacey the Living Wound. Lacey acts as an exit Fern can use, escaping into her maw and traveling through her. This hairball reminds Lacey of her hundreds of cats, and inexplicably lets Fern conjure her if she waves the hairball on any large gashes in an organic surface.
If Fern needs a quick exit, she can sometimes rely on her talkative pal Lacey the Living Wound. Lacey acts as an exit Fern can use, escaping into her maw and traveling through her. This hairball reminds Lacey of her hundreds of cats, and inexplicably lets Fern conjure her if she waves the hairball on any large gashes in an organic surface.
Temp Staff Pin
Wearing this tricks Hospital staff into believing she works there so long as she's wearing it. It gives her some clearances, broadening how many rooms she's allowed to access. This only works when she's in the maternity ward, as the pin will say "patient" when she's back in her room.
Wearing this tricks Hospital staff into believing she works there so long as she's wearing it. It gives her some clearances, broadening how many rooms she's allowed to access. This only works when she's in the maternity ward, as the pin will say "patient" when she's back in her room.
Blender
She can blend drinks she buys into concoctions with special effects. Of course this needs an extension cord to work.
She can blend drinks she buys into concoctions with special effects. Of course this needs an extension cord to work.
Flylactery
The flyactery is one of the more unique weapons Fern owns, and depending on how you look at it one of the grossest. It's a necklace gifted to her by Magdolene. This grants her diptomancy, the power to control the concept of flies. She can conjure flies to map out her given area, but she mostly uses it to fire balls of maggots at her opponents. I'll get more into the specifics of that in the techniques section.
The flyactery is one of the more unique weapons Fern owns, and depending on how you look at it one of the grossest. It's a necklace gifted to her by Magdolene. This grants her diptomancy, the power to control the concept of flies. She can conjure flies to map out her given area, but she mostly uses it to fire balls of maggots at her opponents. I'll get more into the specifics of that in the techniques section.
Egglet
An egglet is a device the Hospital uses to remotely care for babies across realities. This is possible because egglets are zonal conduits conduit, basically acting as a makeshift doorway. It's a bit tricky to figure out for a grey zoner like Fern to fully understand how to properly use it, but she slowly gets the hang of it.
An egglet is a device the Hospital uses to remotely care for babies across realities. This is possible because egglets are zonal conduits conduit, basically acting as a makeshift doorway. It's a bit tricky to figure out for a grey zoner like Fern to fully understand how to properly use it, but she slowly gets the hang of it.
Oold Pollep
Fern is able to perceive this while in her slob body (more on that later). It basically acts as a full revive if her body gets destroyed.
Fern is able to perceive this while in her slob body (more on that later). It basically acts as a full revive if her body gets destroyed.
Other Items
- Get Well Cupcake
- Biohazard Symbol Key
- Purple Book
- Wrong Way Sign: Likely similar in nature to the order notes, but it has yet to be used
- Big Rubber Gloves
- Plush Creature on a String
- Hospital Socks
- Extremely Moldy Bread: Apparently a key component to reviving a doctor
- Unused Bandages: Hospital currency
- Get Well Cupcake
- Biohazard Symbol Key
- Purple Book
- Wrong Way Sign: Likely similar in nature to the order notes, but it has yet to be used
- Big Rubber Gloves
- Plush Creature on a String
- Hospital Socks
- Extremely Moldy Bread: Apparently a key component to reviving a doctor
- Unused Bandages: Hospital currency
Biozone Equipment
Fern's inventories in the Hospital and the sub-zone of her own corpse are separate. There's a possibility they did carry on back into the Hospital, but way too minuscule for Fern to use. Thus this section is dedicated to the items exclusively accessible in her biozone.
Fern's inventories in the Hospital and the sub-zone of her own corpse are separate. There's a possibility they did carry on back into the Hospital, but way too minuscule for Fern to use. Thus this section is dedicated to the items exclusively accessible in her biozone.
Sharpened Pipe
Fern's first weapon she relies on in this setting.
Fern's first weapon she relies on in this setting.
Rusty Grappling Hook
[insert Gravity Falls reference]
[insert Gravity Falls reference]
Keratin Hammer & Stakes
Yes, it's made out of the same protein that makes up hair, hooves, claws, etc. Yes, it feels as weird as it sounds. When Fern isn't using it as a weapon, she's using it to hammer down stakes.
Yes, it's made out of the same protein that makes up hair, hooves, claws, etc. Yes, it feels as weird as it sounds. When Fern isn't using it as a weapon, she's using it to hammer down stakes.
Keratin Axe
Who needs some rusty pipe when you've got a battleaxe! Oh wait, it's made of keratin too. Nevermind-
Who needs some rusty pipe when you've got a battleaxe! Oh wait, it's made of keratin too. Nevermind-
Other Biozone Items
Former Equipment
Instant Plasmodiidae
A bottle of malaria created by a doctor, yuck. Fern used this on a living spleen.
A bottle of malaria created by a doctor, yuck. Fern used this on a living spleen.
Ded-Stone Fogger
It's basically a bug bomber if it was made for killing kidney stones. It's a one-time use sort of deal
It's basically a bug bomber if it was made for killing kidney stones. It's a one-time use sort of deal
Aerosol Cheese
This surprisingly wound up being effective against the Kidney Stone Mother.
This surprisingly wound up being effective against the Kidney Stone Mother.
Out of Order Note
Fern took this note off the Hospital exit, which led to nowhere. This note actually led to a really cool moment where she broke out of the sentient Double Door's mind control and slapped this note on him. Despite not being a real set of double doors, the note overrode his concept, turned him into non-sentient out of order doors, and caused the cafeteria he was connected to to cease existing. The note also vanished.
Fern took this note off the Hospital exit, which led to nowhere. This note actually led to a really cool moment where she broke out of the sentient Double Door's mind control and slapped this note on him. Despite not being a real set of double doors, the note overrode his concept, turned him into non-sentient out of order doors, and caused the cafeteria he was connected to to cease existing. The note also vanished.
Circula Tori's ID Card
The ID card of the Hospital's head surgeon that was originally stuck inside Fern's body. After retrieving it, this gave her waaaaaay more access to rooms than she previously did. Not to mention, less intelligent staff members could believe she was Dr. Tori whenever she held out the card. While significantly better than the temp staff pin, it comes at a grisly cost. Prolonged physical contact with the card may prove disastrous to Fern's conceptual stability, making her more and more like Dr. Tori before being assimilated into her "endosphere".
The ID card of the Hospital's head surgeon that was originally stuck inside Fern's body. After retrieving it, this gave her waaaaaay more access to rooms than she previously did. Not to mention, less intelligent staff members could believe she was Dr. Tori whenever she held out the card. While significantly better than the temp staff pin, it comes at a grisly cost. Prolonged physical contact with the card may prove disastrous to Fern's conceptual stability, making her more and more like Dr. Tori before being assimilated into her "endosphere".
Sleepy Beverage
Even its scent can make one drowsy. After throwing this at a dolphin, it put the beast to rest for a bit.
Even its scent can make one drowsy. After throwing this at a dolphin, it put the beast to rest for a bit.
Happie! Wort!!
It gives beings an excessive amount of warts. I mean excessive.
It gives beings an excessive amount of warts. I mean excessive.
Bacterial Meatshake
Using the blender, Fern combined a drink specifically brewed to make a dolphin sick with a sea creature smoothie so they'd be drawn to the drink. When she baited a dolphin to drink it, the results were so mortifying that their demise couldn't be shown on the page.
Using the blender, Fern combined a drink specifically brewed to make a dolphin sick with a sea creature smoothie so they'd be drawn to the drink. When she baited a dolphin to drink it, the results were so mortifying that their demise couldn't be shown on the page.
Other Former Items
- Rubber Duck, Bottle of Glue, Lengthy Black Cable, and Very Heavy Box: All used to create a device to lure and trap Dr. Phage
- Morgue Key
- Locked Files
- Mysterious Book
- Monster's Finger
- Bag of Leeches
- File Folder Keychain
- Filthy Rags
- Busted Monitor, Dead Mouse, Watering Can Full of Mayonaise, Mannequin Hand, Hand Vacuum, Crustulous Rattletube, Dancing Novelty Cactus, Wooden Brain, Flinch Frie, and Ryzen Threadripper 3990X 64-Core 2.9 GHz Desktop Processor all had a part in restore the computer system Query
- Dr. P's Regurg-i-Syrup
- Vibrio Vulnificus (a drink to make a dolphin sick) and the Wet Creature Special (tree-grown sea creature parts later liquified into animal fluid) were blended together to make the Bacterial Meatshake
- Rubber Duck, Bottle of Glue, Lengthy Black Cable, and Very Heavy Box: All used to create a device to lure and trap Dr. Phage
- Morgue Key
- Locked Files
- Mysterious Book
- Monster's Finger
- Bag of Leeches
- File Folder Keychain
- Filthy Rags
- Busted Monitor, Dead Mouse, Watering Can Full of Mayonaise, Mannequin Hand, Hand Vacuum, Crustulous Rattletube, Dancing Novelty Cactus, Wooden Brain, Flinch Frie, and Ryzen Threadripper 3990X 64-Core 2.9 GHz Desktop Processor all had a part in restore the computer system Query
- Dr. P's Regurg-i-Syrup
- Vibrio Vulnificus (a drink to make a dolphin sick) and the Wet Creature Special (tree-grown sea creature parts later liquified into animal fluid) were blended together to make the Bacterial Meatshake
Former Biozone Equipment
Worm Repellant
Within her corpse world, Fern encounters a LOT of worms. They aren't the types of worms us grey zoners are used to. Worms are a "basal manifestation of life-concept" with infinite forms. For every concept there is a being, and for every being there is a worm. Some worms can be carnivorous and difficult to take on in a head-on fight, so this helps Fern repel them away from her.
Within her corpse world, Fern encounters a LOT of worms. They aren't the types of worms us grey zoners are used to. Worms are a "basal manifestation of life-concept" with infinite forms. For every concept there is a being, and for every being there is a worm. Some worms can be carnivorous and difficult to take on in a head-on fight, so this helps Fern repel them away from her.
Worm Attractant
It does the opposite of the repellant.
It does the opposite of the repellant.
Universal Adhesive
This can allegedly permanently bind two surfaces together. She used the adhesive to create a makeshift fishhook-like lure out of an anatomy model and surgical hook, along with sticking it onto a massive latex tube.
This can allegedly permanently bind two surfaces together. She used the adhesive to create a makeshift fishhook-like lure out of an anatomy model and surgical hook, along with sticking it onto a massive latex tube.
Enviro-Skin
A suit that will supposedly protect the wearer from just about anything for a limited time. Fern doesn't wear this herself. Rather, her pal Maggie fills it with flies to use the suit as a distraction against a worm. This subsequently creates a sentient being who views Fern as their mom leading to a major moral dilemma.
A suit that will supposedly protect the wearer from just about anything for a limited time. Fern doesn't wear this herself. Rather, her pal Maggie fills it with flies to use the suit as a distraction against a worm. This subsequently creates a sentient being who views Fern as their mom leading to a major moral dilemma.
Other Former Biozone Items
Minions and Helpers
Amber the Larval Kidney Stone
After slaying the Kidney Stone Mother, her last remaining spawn chose to accompany Fern. She can jump out of her inventory at any moment to help out in battles. Her name has been labeled by the Narrator as Amber. We'll see if it sticks.
Amber is able to fight by extending her spikes and expanding to larger sizes by absorbing urine (ew). For most of the series she's been nothing more than a silent, let loyal minion, but during the 2025 side story she is seemingly starting to develop a personality. It's also revealed in that story that beings like her have the innate ability to evade perception, making beings forget their existence from their very core. She does this to siphon the conceptual potential of other beings undetected.
After slaying the Kidney Stone Mother, her last remaining spawn chose to accompany Fern. She can jump out of her inventory at any moment to help out in battles. Her name has been labeled by the Narrator as Amber. We'll see if it sticks.
Amber is able to fight by extending her spikes and expanding to larger sizes by absorbing urine (ew). For most of the series she's been nothing more than a silent, let loyal minion, but during the 2025 side story she is seemingly starting to develop a personality. It's also revealed in that story that beings like her have the innate ability to evade perception, making beings forget their existence from their very core. She does this to siphon the conceptual potential of other beings undetected.
Paulie the Ramblin' Evil Colorectal Tumor
Recently named Paulie by the narrator, this nimble tumor isn't useful as a fighter. What he is good at is supplying Fern with info on opponents and the Hospital in and out of battle. It was originally required to perform the summon action to receive his tips, but after leveling up she doesn’t have to waste that turn. Like the pissrock, Paulie shares her memory-fogging abilities.
Recently named Paulie by the narrator, this nimble tumor isn't useful as a fighter. What he is good at is supplying Fern with info on opponents and the Hospital in and out of battle. It was originally required to perform the summon action to receive his tips, but after leveling up she doesn’t have to waste that turn. Like the pissrock, Paulie shares her memory-fogging abilities.
Antibiotic Ointment
Fern's latest addition to her rejected Pokémon team. Given to her by Dr. Man, this little being negates malady-type damage to a given party member during combat. Malady-based opponents may sustain recoil damage if they hit the ointment-assigned target. Malady damage is basically rapid-fire damage that occurs once per round, which is used by beings representing specific illnesses or incredibly sickly beings like slobs.
Fern's latest addition to her rejected Pokémon team. Given to her by Dr. Man, this little being negates malady-type damage to a given party member during combat. Malady-based opponents may sustain recoil damage if they hit the ointment-assigned target. Malady damage is basically rapid-fire damage that occurs once per round, which is used by beings representing specific illnesses or incredibly sickly beings like slobs.
Buzzers
She’s aware of the intrusive thoughts of the audience—buzzers—giving her pointers. While there are points where she fully rejects the commands, as the story progresses they become more intertwined with her own thoughts.
While many claim to have created the buzzers like the Parliament, no one truly knows where they come from. It’s more accurate what she hears isn’t buzzers, but rather voices delivered by buzzers. They themselves are mindless, non-matter entities of no solid concept, permeating all zones and layers (basically a short span of time, more on that later) simultaneously.
Beyond just giving Fern pointers, buzzers also help Fern remember info when her memory is being messed with. They can do the same with other beings that are able to communicate with them. When Fern is out of commission, her buzzers can jump to another character's pov and influence events from there. They can even directly communicate with certain characters.
She’s aware of the intrusive thoughts of the audience—buzzers—giving her pointers. While there are points where she fully rejects the commands, as the story progresses they become more intertwined with her own thoughts.
While many claim to have created the buzzers like the Parliament, no one truly knows where they come from. It’s more accurate what she hears isn’t buzzers, but rather voices delivered by buzzers. They themselves are mindless, non-matter entities of no solid concept, permeating all zones and layers (basically a short span of time, more on that later) simultaneously.
Beyond just giving Fern pointers, buzzers also help Fern remember info when her memory is being messed with. They can do the same with other beings that are able to communicate with them. When Fern is out of commission, her buzzers can jump to another character's pov and influence events from there. They can even directly communicate with certain characters.
Marcy
When neither Fern and her buzzers don’t know what to do, an unseen force tries to nudge her in the right direction. This mysterious helper is Marcy, the Concept of Medicine. Fern isn’t usually able to speak with Marcy, she was only able to after dying under the effects of laughing gas. She can’t physically intrude on the Hospital and can’t perceive everything that happens inside it. Fern doesn’t remember her conversation with Marcy afterwards, but her buzzers do.
When neither Fern and her buzzers don’t know what to do, an unseen force tries to nudge her in the right direction. This mysterious helper is Marcy, the Concept of Medicine. Fern isn’t usually able to speak with Marcy, she was only able to after dying under the effects of laughing gas. She can’t physically intrude on the Hospital and can’t perceive everything that happens inside it. Fern doesn’t remember her conversation with Marcy afterwards, but her buzzers do.
The Narration
During Fern's adventure, she occasionally hears a new kind of voice giving her directions. It's established that it isn't her buzzers, so this mysterious presence is left a mystery for years… until the Willis & Isaac side story where it's revealed to have been an early version of a living conscious Narration.
Fern becomes more acquainted with a more fully developed and sapient one later down the line who she develops a symbiotic relationship with. A living metaconcept and a symbiont not tethered to a specific host, this Narration is the evident daughter of the library entity Professor Lexicovermus. After the library locked down, she decided to attach herself to Fern. Narrations are considered threats to beings' cores, but with how dire the situation has become and how Fern has some form of protection thanks to unseen forces, she agrees to not feed on pieces of her core.
The Narration has really useful abilities of her own. She eats languages on top of core bits, having consumed violet-phase warblespeak, wiping it out of existence. Most notably, the Narration is able to basically fast forward the story while making narrative sense. By shifting the focus to Amber and Paulie and narrating over them, they were able wrap up one of Fern's last couple major quests. This is less like manipulating the plot itself, and more like routing a speedrun.
It should be noted that the Narration cannot communicate with Fern directly, as her exospine—a metaphysical organ that helps you perceive other layers—isn't fully developed enough to tolerate it. Otherwise, it would lead to the "degradation of her still-emerging conceptobranches" and definitely shorten her lifespan.
During Fern's adventure, she occasionally hears a new kind of voice giving her directions. It's established that it isn't her buzzers, so this mysterious presence is left a mystery for years… until the Willis & Isaac side story where it's revealed to have been an early version of a living conscious Narration.
Fern becomes more acquainted with a more fully developed and sapient one later down the line who she develops a symbiotic relationship with. A living metaconcept and a symbiont not tethered to a specific host, this Narration is the evident daughter of the library entity Professor Lexicovermus. After the library locked down, she decided to attach herself to Fern. Narrations are considered threats to beings' cores, but with how dire the situation has become and how Fern has some form of protection thanks to unseen forces, she agrees to not feed on pieces of her core.
The Narration has really useful abilities of her own. She eats languages on top of core bits, having consumed violet-phase warblespeak, wiping it out of existence. Most notably, the Narration is able to basically fast forward the story while making narrative sense. By shifting the focus to Amber and Paulie and narrating over them, they were able wrap up one of Fern's last couple major quests. This is less like manipulating the plot itself, and more like routing a speedrun.
It should be noted that the Narration cannot communicate with Fern directly, as her exospine—a metaphysical organ that helps you perceive other layers—isn't fully developed enough to tolerate it. Otherwise, it would lead to the "degradation of her still-emerging conceptobranches" and definitely shorten her lifespan.
Abilities
Non-Physical Interaction
Most humans aren’t able to see the sorts of beings Fern is constantly subjected to. She’s considered “branchitized", a rare quality for grey zoners, able to see things from different branches that typical grey zoners would never be able to register.
Now about this image… Taking it out of context, it would seem like a fourth wall breaking feat. However, as we established earlier, it's a lot more complicated than that. This is a command made by a buzzer, which Fern rejected by breaking it. The dialog box is imperceivable to her, and yet she instinctively knew it was there and snatched it.
Most humans aren’t able to see the sorts of beings Fern is constantly subjected to. She’s considered “branchitized", a rare quality for grey zoners, able to see things from different branches that typical grey zoners would never be able to register.
Now about this image… Taking it out of context, it would seem like a fourth wall breaking feat. However, as we established earlier, it's a lot more complicated than that. This is a command made by a buzzer, which Fern rejected by breaking it. The dialog box is imperceivable to her, and yet she instinctively knew it was there and snatched it.
Conceptual Manipulation and Subjective Reality
Everyone in the Hospital is conceptual in nature, Fern included. Beings' conceptual cores are simultaneously real and not literally real, and don't exist anywhere. Concepts are made of infinitely smaller concepts. No matter how long ago something originated, its concept has always existed—likely earlier in different zones.
Numerous times, Fern has been shown to affect Hospital entities on the conceptual level. She made the Double Doors inanimate doors by putting the out of order note on him, as I mentioned earlier, but the situation involving the enviro-skin counts for this too. Later on, she even collects a bunch of random items that when put together approximates the idea of the Hospital's computer system.
The entire reality of the Hospital is subjective, as every inhabitant has a their own way they perceive reality. What Fern can perceive and believe will become their own sentient being. Fern is also seemingly has the capacity for even crazier conceptual BS. When she was high on laughing gas, she effortlessly set coordinates in her core to locate a being. At the moment, she has no idea how to do that while sober.
Everyone in the Hospital is conceptual in nature, Fern included. Beings' conceptual cores are simultaneously real and not literally real, and don't exist anywhere. Concepts are made of infinitely smaller concepts. No matter how long ago something originated, its concept has always existed—likely earlier in different zones.
Numerous times, Fern has been shown to affect Hospital entities on the conceptual level. She made the Double Doors inanimate doors by putting the out of order note on him, as I mentioned earlier, but the situation involving the enviro-skin counts for this too. Later on, she even collects a bunch of random items that when put together approximates the idea of the Hospital's computer system.
The entire reality of the Hospital is subjective, as every inhabitant has a their own way they perceive reality. What Fern can perceive and believe will become their own sentient being. Fern is also seemingly has the capacity for even crazier conceptual BS. When she was high on laughing gas, she effortlessly set coordinates in her core to locate a being. At the moment, she has no idea how to do that while sober.
Statistics Amplification
As Fern keeps winnings fights, her stats and health boost! Fern's level is tied directly to her core, so if she levels up in a different body (more on that in a second), her new stats will translate to her original body.
As Fern keeps winnings fights, her stats and health boost! Fern's level is tied directly to her core, so if she levels up in a different body (more on that in a second), her new stats will translate to her original body.
Slobbification
Humans aren't meant to be in the Hospital, given how under any normal circumstances they'd be driven to insanity. The reality is that something much worse happens. As a result of their misplacement in reality they become increasingly unhinged and degenerate into feral malady monsters known as fleshazoids, or more commonly dubbed "slobs".
The slobs are the result of a foreign flesh that tries to heal a patient, but replaces them with something else instead. Due to her connection with her son, Fern is more resistant to this ailment, only turning into one after death. However……
Humans aren't meant to be in the Hospital, given how under any normal circumstances they'd be driven to insanity. The reality is that something much worse happens. As a result of their misplacement in reality they become increasingly unhinged and degenerate into feral malady monsters known as fleshazoids, or more commonly dubbed "slobs".
The slobs are the result of a foreign flesh that tries to heal a patient, but replaces them with something else instead. Due to her connection with her son, Fern is more resistant to this ailment, only turning into one after death. However……
Slobfern
During the second phase of Awful Hospital, Fern dies and a botched revival causes her to reawaken in a slob body controlled by her microscopic friends Staph & Celia, occasionally fused as Staphelia. Even though the two were originally in command of the slob, they don't control Fern’s core, which now governs the body. Her speech is normally unintelligible, but Staph & Celia can hear her thoughts. She is back in her original body now, but it may not be the last time we see Fern in this fleshy state.
In this body, Slobfern is able to regenerate quickly short of 100% material loss. out of battle regeneration is much slower, taking a few layers to do so. As a slob, she doesn't feel pain and she’s able to perceive things she normally can’t in her human form. She’s also capable of mutual biomaterial integration in this state, meaning she can spawn her kidney blade from one of her claws.
She can adapt to other slobs' physical properties, though this only occurred when she was under the influence of ex-Parliament member Harold. She can change into different forms specializing in different damage types like bludgeoning, crushing, or even exploding with acid.
Staph and Ceila are also integral to Slobfern's survival in such an abstract landscape. They’re able to stop Parliament creeps from “chewing holes” in her perception sphere—the sum of reality that Fern understands.
The only major drawback of being in this body is that she's a lot more vulnerable to Parliament influence and mind tricks.
During the second phase of Awful Hospital, Fern dies and a botched revival causes her to reawaken in a slob body controlled by her microscopic friends Staph & Celia, occasionally fused as Staphelia. Even though the two were originally in command of the slob, they don't control Fern’s core, which now governs the body. Her speech is normally unintelligible, but Staph & Celia can hear her thoughts. She is back in her original body now, but it may not be the last time we see Fern in this fleshy state.
In this body, Slobfern is able to regenerate quickly short of 100% material loss. out of battle regeneration is much slower, taking a few layers to do so. As a slob, she doesn't feel pain and she’s able to perceive things she normally can’t in her human form. She’s also capable of mutual biomaterial integration in this state, meaning she can spawn her kidney blade from one of her claws.
She can adapt to other slobs' physical properties, though this only occurred when she was under the influence of ex-Parliament member Harold. She can change into different forms specializing in different damage types like bludgeoning, crushing, or even exploding with acid.
Staph and Ceila are also integral to Slobfern's survival in such an abstract landscape. They’re able to stop Parliament creeps from “chewing holes” in her perception sphere—the sum of reality that Fern understands.
The only major drawback of being in this body is that she's a lot more vulnerable to Parliament influence and mind tricks.
Symbiosis
As mentioned earlier, Fern has become the symbiotic host to the Narration. While she has agreed to not feast on her core, the narrative Fern is entangled with is juicy enough to satisfy her cravings. In turn she provides her meta support.
As mentioned earlier, Fern has become the symbiotic host to the Narration. While she has agreed to not feast on her core, the narrative Fern is entangled with is juicy enough to satisfy her cravings. In turn she provides her meta support.
Resistances
- Mind manipulation resistance: Broke free from Double Doors trying to brainwash her into eating a sloppy joe. The brainwashing itself even overwrote the buzzers trying to get Fern to snap out of it. There was another attempt later on by Harold rying to influence her slob form by messing with her perception and blurring the conceptual boundaries between slob biovessels to fuse them, which she couldn’t shake off without Staph and Celia overriding her body. It's likely she's immune to all this brainwashing nonsense thanks to her connection with Vernon. Overall she has been able to resist the Parliament's influence.
- Mind manipulation resistance: Broke free from Double Doors trying to brainwash her into eating a sloppy joe. The brainwashing itself even overwrote the buzzers trying to get Fern to snap out of it. There was another attempt later on by Harold rying to influence her slob form by messing with her perception and blurring the conceptual boundaries between slob biovessels to fuse them, which she couldn’t shake off without Staph and Celia overriding her body. It's likely she's immune to all this brainwashing nonsense thanks to her connection with Vernon. Overall she has been able to resist the Parliament's influence.
Techniques
Slash
It's her basic physical attack with her kidney blade.
It's her basic physical attack with her kidney blade.
Block
Being able to reduce damage is crucial in an environment as hostile as the Hospital. However, the gamification of this move can be taken to some bizarre extremes when fighting within the perception range. At one point, her kidney blade seemingly absorbed an attack. Essentially regardless of what's happening or how abstract the attack is, the damage will be lowered to 1. Whatever Fern perceives happens to reach that point is just the middle man.
Being able to reduce damage is crucial in an environment as hostile as the Hospital. However, the gamification of this move can be taken to some bizarre extremes when fighting within the perception range. At one point, her kidney blade seemingly absorbed an attack. Essentially regardless of what's happening or how abstract the attack is, the damage will be lowered to 1. Whatever Fern perceives happens to reach that point is just the middle man.
Minion
Fern uses a turn to call forth one of her minions to aid her in combat. As mentioned earlier, summoning Paulie doesn't waste a turn anymore.
Fern uses a turn to call forth one of her minions to aid her in combat. As mentioned earlier, summoning Paulie doesn't waste a turn anymore.
Item
Take a turn to use an item!
Take a turn to use an item!
Maggot Missile
With the Flylactery, Fern can shoot a projectile made of maggots. Isn't that cool???? Maggot-type damage is able to reduce an enemy's level, making her attacks more effective.
With the Flylactery, Fern can shoot a projectile made of maggots. Isn't that cool???? Maggot-type damage is able to reduce an enemy's level, making her attacks more effective.
Talk
Fern has been getting the hang of speaking to the random technobabble-spouting denizens as best as she can, so in some cases she's able to talk her way out of fighting.
Fern has been getting the hang of speaking to the random technobabble-spouting denizens as best as she can, so in some cases she's able to talk her way out of fighting.
Biozone Moves
Stab, bash, and shield. That's basically all there is to these.
Stab, bash, and shield. That's basically all there is to these.
Request Gels?!
Bear with me through these next few, folks. During the second phase of the webcomic, Fern ingests some laughing gas from Hospital staff, her core opens up and she trips balls for a few layers. In this portion, she winds up fighting a creature called a furler… with an entirely new moveset.
Humans do have the potential to do what Hospital beings are generally capable of, as demonstrated by Cheryl and Doctor Man. These next few moves aren't something Fern can do while sober, but she does have the capacity to do them so I'll go over each.
First up is Request Gels. Gels are never explicitly delved into outside of Bogleech's Tumblr. They're assumedly something nutritional that can be traded with entities. At the moment it's intentionally ambiguous. During the move, Fern establishes a branch connection between Fern and her opponent. Fern is basically locking in on her opponent's frequency. After each turn, Fern's health will permanently increase by one point. She can do this move as many times as she wants.
Bear with me through these next few, folks. During the second phase of the webcomic, Fern ingests some laughing gas from Hospital staff, her core opens up and she trips balls for a few layers. In this portion, she winds up fighting a creature called a furler… with an entirely new moveset.
Humans do have the potential to do what Hospital beings are generally capable of, as demonstrated by Cheryl and Doctor Man. These next few moves aren't something Fern can do while sober, but she does have the capacity to do them so I'll go over each.
First up is Request Gels. Gels are never explicitly delved into outside of Bogleech's Tumblr. They're assumedly something nutritional that can be traded with entities. At the moment it's intentionally ambiguous. During the move, Fern establishes a branch connection between Fern and her opponent. Fern is basically locking in on her opponent's frequency. After each turn, Fern's health will permanently increase by one point. She can do this move as many times as she wants.
Branch Action?
It's hard to really say what Branch Action does. It didn't even seem to damage the furler in any way. Performing this move causes Fern's surroundings to ripple and undulate, producing a sound indicative of reality in the "green range". The green range may be related to the green zone, which has only been referenced in BORFLADGE as where creatures called blabbers hail from.
It's hard to really say what Branch Action does. It didn't even seem to damage the furler in any way. Performing this move causes Fern's surroundings to ripple and undulate, producing a sound indicative of reality in the "green range". The green range may be related to the green zone, which has only been referenced in BORFLADGE as where creatures called blabbers hail from.
Faz
Another move where it's hard to tell just what Fern is doing. Apparently Faz is a sense that beings from other zones are no stranger to. When using Faz, a thrumming sound emanates from her and a gonging sound erupts from her enemy. It's unknown if that did any damage or not.
Another move where it's hard to tell just what Fern is doing. Apparently Faz is a sense that beings from other zones are no stranger to. When using Faz, a thrumming sound emanates from her and a gonging sound erupts from her enemy. It's unknown if that did any damage or not.
Exospinal Quill
Exospinal Quil is one of the couple moves she doesn't use in the fight against the furler. Judging by the name, there are some clues as to what it could entail. Exospines are a metaphysical organ that helps beings perceive other layers. Grey zoners usually have their exospine eaten at a young age, really limiting what they're able to perceive. Based on the name, this attack likely alludes to offensively attacking with her exospine.
Exospinal Quil is one of the couple moves she doesn't use in the fight against the furler. Judging by the name, there are some clues as to what it could entail. Exospines are a metaphysical organ that helps beings perceive other layers. Grey zoners usually have their exospine eaten at a young age, really limiting what they're able to perceive. Based on the name, this attack likely alludes to offensively attacking with her exospine.
Offer Gels?!
Another move Fern doesn't use during the fight. I'd imagine it has the opposite effect of Request Gels. Maybe it makes Fern lose health or just increase the health of her opponent.
Another move Fern doesn't use during the fight. I'd imagine it has the opposite effect of Request Gels. Maybe it makes Fern lose health or just increase the health of her opponent.
Xtend
Now for the moves exclusive to Slobfern! She can’t defend in this state, so this body gives her way more offense to compensate. Xtend lets her increase her biomass for increased offensive capability.
Now for the moves exclusive to Slobfern! She can’t defend in this state, so this body gives her way more offense to compensate. Xtend lets her increase her biomass for increased offensive capability.
Regen
As mentioned before, Slobfern can regenerate her biomass during fights to regain health.
As mentioned before, Slobfern can regenerate her biomass during fights to regain health.
Terminology & Cosmology
Layers
Unlike us, extra-layer beings perceive time as "layers," or as we come to understand pages. Each page in Awful Hospital is its own layer. Every reality is just a series of layers, so layers form zones. Beings in this verse perceive layers spatially rather than chronologically, so they can jump forward and back in through layers as much as they please.
It's functionally similar to traveling through time, but in the Zone-Hopper's Guide it's stressed that it's not like traveling through parallel universes or alternate timelines; it's just your perspective shifting. According to the author's Tumblr post: entities "see each layer as a version of reality in which they can move around and hang out all they want until they affect it or affect another entity enough that they shift into a different layer". To give an example of how these sorts of beings can affect layers, the Hospital's food provider Burgrr Inc. supplies food to layers where food isn't even a concept there.
Unlike us, extra-layer beings perceive time as "layers," or as we come to understand pages. Each page in Awful Hospital is its own layer. Every reality is just a series of layers, so layers form zones. Beings in this verse perceive layers spatially rather than chronologically, so they can jump forward and back in through layers as much as they please.
It's functionally similar to traveling through time, but in the Zone-Hopper's Guide it's stressed that it's not like traveling through parallel universes or alternate timelines; it's just your perspective shifting. According to the author's Tumblr post: entities "see each layer as a version of reality in which they can move around and hang out all they want until they affect it or affect another entity enough that they shift into a different layer". To give an example of how these sorts of beings can affect layers, the Hospital's food provider Burgrr Inc. supplies food to layers where food isn't even a concept there.
Branchination and the Perception Range
Things exist because you perceive them, and you exist because others perceive you. It's impossible for something to exist without something else perceiving it in some other layer.
Everything that exists is a "branch" off of something else. Whenever a branch winds up in another zone, it manifests as its own entity, object, idea, or phenomenon. Grey zoners are the exception of course. With cores that can't branch out further, they're considered the multiverse's dead ends.
Things exist because you perceive them, and you exist because others perceive you. It's impossible for something to exist without something else perceiving it in some other layer.
Everything that exists is a "branch" off of something else. Whenever a branch winds up in another zone, it manifests as its own entity, object, idea, or phenomenon. Grey zoners are the exception of course. With cores that can't branch out further, they're considered the multiverse's dead ends.
The Multiverse
Zones and perception are the foundations of all that does and doesn't exist. As mentioned before, zones are essentially Noisy Tenant's equivalent of universes. This Hospital itself is its own zone. Every zone is infinite in size, and there are even infinite worlds within worlds like the biozone in Fern's cadaver.
This information makes the Parliament's efforts all the more terrifying. Like a cancer, the plank maze has consumed and replaced entire zones, and it only continues to grow. The maze itself crosses through realities beyond the Hospital and degrades them. If they succeed, the entire multiverse will effectively revert back into a singular being and repeat the cycle of decay.
Zones and perception are the foundations of all that does and doesn't exist. As mentioned before, zones are essentially Noisy Tenant's equivalent of universes. This Hospital itself is its own zone. Every zone is infinite in size, and there are even infinite worlds within worlds like the biozone in Fern's cadaver.
This information makes the Parliament's efforts all the more terrifying. Like a cancer, the plank maze has consumed and replaced entire zones, and it only continues to grow. The maze itself crosses through realities beyond the Hospital and degrades them. If they succeed, the entire multiverse will effectively revert back into a singular being and repeat the cycle of decay.
Fern's Biovessel Zone/Everyzone
The big implication for Fern having a sub-zone in her corpse is that everything alive or sentient has a zone connected with their body, loosely based on their anatomy.
On the note of Fern being able to enter her corpse's infinitely-sized sub-zone, it can be attributed to the conceptual nature of layers and sub-zones. Fern's body is the basis of the biozone, as its inhabitants are a representation of her biodata. There may be tens of billions of specific types of bacteria in her body, but in her biozone, there's only one being that encompasses that species. Their entire existence is adapted to divergent states of reality.
The sub-zone also contains a LOT of worms. For every being there is a worm, the basal manifestation of life-concept. They're the perceptoid that's the first thing born from a concept. When a core dies, only worms can consume it. They can consume a being's core across all reality and potential iterations of reality. Fern fights a lot of worms in the biozone.
The big implication for Fern having a sub-zone in her corpse is that everything alive or sentient has a zone connected with their body, loosely based on their anatomy.
On the note of Fern being able to enter her corpse's infinitely-sized sub-zone, it can be attributed to the conceptual nature of layers and sub-zones. Fern's body is the basis of the biozone, as its inhabitants are a representation of her biodata. There may be tens of billions of specific types of bacteria in her body, but in her biozone, there's only one being that encompasses that species. Their entire existence is adapted to divergent states of reality.
The sub-zone also contains a LOT of worms. For every being there is a worm, the basal manifestation of life-concept. They're the perceptoid that's the first thing born from a concept. When a core dies, only worms can consume it. They can consume a being's core across all reality and potential iterations of reality. Fern fights a lot of worms in the biozone.
Feats
Overall
- Cured Runny Nose of his kidney stones
- Killed the Kidney Stone Mother after she threatened to torture her baby
- Did a fetch quest to gain the needed materials to help cure Chuck the meat grinder, creating a deverberator to draw out the glumdroodler inside him and beat the crap out of it and forced it to flee by thinking hard about tubes…… I’m just as lost as you are folks
- Broke free from Double Doors trying to hypnotise her and the buzzers into eating a sloppy joe… then caused the doors and the entire cafeteria to cease existing!
- Defeated the Bandage Worm with Celia
- Killed the Ghastly Physician Worm, which was likely cobbled together from Fern's anxieties and experiences
- Escaped the sub-zone of her own cadaver after five or six days of adventuring
- Beat a level 6 biobag
- With the help of Willis, defeated Jay in his most powerful slob form
- Schroded Crash and held out against the onslaught of his slob hybrid form before he withered away. Schroding is the process in which the Hospital doesn't know what to do with a patient, so they're schroded into a hypothetical zone where they can simultaneously exist and not exist in a paraconceptual state of being.
- Managed to escape Dr. Phleboto Mizer before he could attempt to purge her
- Defeated Macrobobby by throwing a book at him
- She’s the first human to have made it this far in her journey without having a total existential collapse or becoming slobbified herself while alive
- Was able to fight Dr. Man to the point where he was convinced to let her into the maternity ward
- Beat a dolphin that nearly wiped out her party
- While high off her rocker after being gassed, somehow correctly assumed a vending machine was a Parliament mole that had kidnapped Nicole’s daughter, and freed her
Strength
- Beat the giant Kidney Stone Mother
- Fought the huge Glumdroodler
- Smashed the body of the Hypodermic Worm in one hit.
- Defeated the enormous, yet fragile Jayslob
- Knocked over a vending machine and broke its glass
Speed
Durability
- Withstood being hit by the Kidney Stone Mother's spawn and spikes
- Endured whatever the fuck the glumdroodler's attacks are
- Hit with a scab shuriken
- Barely survived being skewered by the Red Blight
- Survived a small biobag exploding against her
- Withstood a barrage of attacks from the giant Crashslob, including a crystallized polyhedron with the same force of a wrecking ball
- Fernslob survived Biobagatus exploding at her, coating the walls and leaving her with 1 health left and her limbs blown off
Scaling
As a squishy grey zoner, Fern is far from the top tiers of the verse right now—most of which aren't really combat applicable at the moment. Scaling is also pretty funky since the doctors are established to be the top tiers of the verse, yet most aren't VS-applicable at this moment in the story. Some of the doctors Fern faces against don't have any notable feats either.
- Arguably downscales from Willis. When experiencing a breakdown, he threatened to cause the Hospital library—a zone in of itself—to collapse at the conceptual level. This process involved draining the conceptual equivalent of blood of his surroundings, which included languages and numerical systems. This event could have even erased Fern's Narration.
- Scales to her party members Celia, Staph, and Maggie, who defeated E.M. Balmer together. After fusing with a dolphin, he was going to "eat the universe", Fern's corpse sub-zone. This implies he would've destroyed the sub-zones of the biozone's inhabitants too.
- The Kidney Stone Mother broke a hole through a wall
Weaknesses
- Not the best actor
- As a grey zoner, she can't shift through zones or layers and she's the only perceptoid tied to her conceptual core
- The buzzers aren't always reliable, as their decisions can sometimes lead to some nasty consequences
- Her tote bag isn't available in all zones like the biozone
- Fern's existosphere is so highly contaminated, that just about anything can get in like the buzzers or Narration. She possibly has a condition that apparently threatens her very concept.
- She likely couldn’t have made it this far in her journey without the help of her allies
- The longer she remains in her slob form, the more vulnerable she’ll be to the Parliament's influence. This comes with the boon that the Parliament will also become more vulnerable to Staph & Celia’s interferences
Matchup Potential
In terms of the webcomics I've first experienced this year, Fern is undoubtedly my favorite protagonist I've come across in any of them. I love how her response to the horrors of the Hospital evolves over the series, she has tons of hardcore moments, and her determination to find Vernon is absolutely admirable. We need more badass mom protagonists in general!
While her main goals should be easy to find a character that matches them, her wacky gross-out body horror vibes and abstract abilities makes the opponent search way more challenging. For how notoriously powerful of a verse Awful Hospital is, I'm surprised there is virtually no discussion for matchups for her. The only characters I've seen suggested so far are Luigi's Mansion Luigi and Red Guy from Don't Hug Me I'm Scared. Luigi… I get… but I'm sure we can do better than a matchup for a specific version of Luigi. As for Red Guy, I'm not convinced he's VS viable even after watching all the shorts and the TV show.
NEXT TIME ON WCAB… whenever I feel like it
